Earvin

About me:

They have always doubted me. The night I took it to Bird in the NCAA finals. The night I played all five positions in the NBA finals and scored 42. When they said I had HIV, I was suppose to be dead within five years. Instead, I've gained 150 lbs to prove that people with AIDS don't get skinny and die. I had a talk show, "The Magic Hour". What a tragedy that turned out to be. It was more like "The Tragic Hour". What the hell was I thinking, hiring Tommy Davidson as my sidekick? And Sheila E as my music sidekick? She might have been lookin fine in the 80s, but damn, what was I thinking? The skits were bad, as was my mutilation of the English language. What else? I sucked as coach of the Lakers for a half-season, then I really sucked when I tried to make a comeback at age 36. By then I was hittin' 3-bills and playing power forward. I did average 15/7 a night, not bad for a fat guy who played 32 games. Let's see what else... You might see me as a studio analyst on TNT occasionally. Whenever I'm on TNT, you'll see two fat black guys. One of them is funny. His name is Charles. The other fat black guy who talks but you can't understand is me. Charles might laugh at my speech impediment and basically anything I say or do, but remember, I'm leading Charles in NBA rings 5-0. I tend to keep things simple, like stating the obvious. Me and my buddy Arsenio like to hang out a lot. Whenever you see us out together, he's the one that always got his lips glued to my ass. I remember whenever I'd drop in on Arsenio's show and we'd sit on that huge overstuffed couch of his. Whenever he'd say the words "Booty Call", we'd both laugh hysterically while rolling around on that huge couch. Man, I sure miss those days.